June 15th –
I swear that I’ll find you. If it takes the rest of my life Kiri I will find you. I won’t let it end this way, I won’t let this end at all. I feel so guilty Babe. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t here when you needed me … again. When Austin and I got back and couldn’t find you I didn't know what to think. I got mad; I thought you had gone off on your own. But I know you wouldn't be this cruel, you wouldn't have gone this long, worried me like this, if you could help it.
It was Austin that found the blood in the orchard when he heard Woofer start howling. We did everything we could for Fraidy but it wasn’t enough. I don’t know how I’m going to tell you when you get home that your poor cat is gone.
I saved your journal. It got a little wet in the rain but not too bad. I swear I didn’t mean to read it, not at first. I was just cleaning it up, setting your pen and ink in their slots in the portable desk, putting everything back together so you’d know where it is when you get home. But once I started I couldn’t seem to stop. It was like falling in love with you all over again. I learned things about you that I never knew. So many times you worried for nothing and the times you should have been worried it doesn’t even seem to have registered. We have a lot to talk about. Soon. When you get home.
The raiders are all over the place. There are so many of them. There was some kind of escape off of one of the prison barrier islands and they let loose some of the prison barges. It’s been like being swarmed by bees. I need you here, where I can see you and know you are safe. Where are you?!
Ram is crazy. Crazier than he normally is. He and Bill, they’ve interrogated a few men but no one knows what we are talking about. There’s been rumors … seems like the slavers are joined up with the escaped convicts. I pray that you are safe. You have to be. You need to come home. The baby will be here soon and I want you to sit down and rest before that happens. You have to be here so I can take care of you, tell you I'm sorry ... so we can make up.
Austin is finally asleep. He’s so shook up that he doesn’t know whether he is coming or going. I wanted him to go stay with Uncle George but he nearly came unglued at the mere suggestion so I didn’t push him.
I haven’t been able to sleep. I can’t sleep. How am I supposed to sleep with you not here?